Tonight I'm thinking i need to start making stuff again.

today i made a few things, including soup; cookie dough; tablet; macaroni cheese with sausage and French toast.

This week i will try to start making stuff to write about again!

This week I made Pain au Chocolat!

Bake off season has began!!  (Begunn??)

So.  Every wednesday I go to see my brother Stuart, my sister-in-law, Carrie, and my wee 2 year-old nephew, Finlay.  Last year we would have tea then watch GBBO with a cup of tea, and it was lovely.

This year we've cranked it up a notch.

This year I've challenged myself (for I've, read Carrie's) to make the same thing they make on the programme each week, so we really feel like we're there. Week 1 was cake week, and Caarrie requested red velvet cake, which was fine!  Week 2 was biscuit week and Carrie requested viennese whirls.  They were lovely.

But week 3 was bread week.  I'm not very experienced when it comes to making bread, but we decided that I would attempt to make chocolate croissants.

Pain au chocolat, if you will!!  Je m'appelle Shona n'that!!

Now.  These take some doing.  I found a recipe online that didn't look too awkward, which wasn't easy, let me tell you!  But find one I did!  Bread flour, salt, yeast, sugar, water and a shit load of butter!!  Ooh and some chocolate to pop in too.

I mixed the dry stuff and added the water adn kneaded until I could knead no more.  Well.  10 minutes anyway.  It's murder on the wrists!  Once I'd kneaded I took the butter out the fridge and battered it flat witih a rolling pin.

Butter is not easy to roll.  And it melts really quickly!  But I perservered.

The butter sheet goes onto the rolled dough and you fold it like an envelope.

I knew how to do that cos I'd seen it on the bake off :)

Then I proved. And then folded adn rolled out.  The proved and folded adn rolled out. Then proved adn folded and rolled and proved adn folded and rolled out.  4 times  like I was told to do.  Then I cut them out anf folded a wee bit of chocolate into each of them.  Then I popped them into the fridge for an hour (it said overnight but I was right impatient plus I wanted to test them out!).  Oven on at 200c and in they went.

They fucking worked!!!

I'm so unbelievably chuffed with myself it's embarrassing haha!!  I took a selfie with them!!

I'd been viber-ing Stuart and Carrie all night and they were dead excited too.

They came out all crispy and buttery, and chocolatey and they tasted bloody delicious!!  I ttok them up to my brother's the next night and they were demolished.

Next week is batter week...  Churros!!

Shit.

Tonight I'm going to yoga fir the first time...

Wish me luck 😕

This morning I'm posting an update.

Just to let you know, the beany chilli was brilliant and the pulled pork is pretty damn awesome!

Chuffed!

And eating my words. Sorry Nikki lol

Xx

This weekend i've been back cooking again!

Well.

For the last wee while I've not really been making much, a mixture of being not arsed and being bloody knackered. However, last week i done my usual fir this time of year (this is the third year, anyway) and rejoined slimming world.  The last 2 years I've joined a local group bit I've decided this year to join online and go it alone. No more paying a fiver ti get told I'm fat- at least this way i can pay way in advance and clap myself every week  (or eat shit loads of chocolate and drink shit loads of wine if it's a shit week lol).

Anyway, i digress!!

I knuckled down this weekend and went mad on cooking. Well. That's maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but i cooked more than i have in a while.

It started with chilli. Now. Normally i use lean mince (5% fat) but i felt a bit saucy and got turkey breast mince instead! Ooh! So mince, tomatoes, peppers, onions, spring onions, chillis, green beans (only cos they were there and out of date) and shit loads of cumin, paprika and chilli powder.

It tasted of nothing. I don't know what i done wrong. I did, however, use to much chilli so it burnt the mouth off me. My lips were tingling (oo-er). I put a pic on instagram (as one does) and my pal nikki (who we take the piss out of for putting baked beans in her chilli) suggested i put beans in it. So i have. I've not tried it the again yet to test it but ive warned her if it's shit then shes broon breed 

Then there was soup. I had baby plum tomatoes in the fridge that had a bbe of 3rd feb. I thought well, it's only the 7th so fuck it! Tomatoes, carrot, onion, ham stock, chilli and basil. Bloody amazing. Except, you'd think I'd learn, i put too much chilli in it. Near took the tongue off   me!!

Then, after looking at recipes on the slimming world website, i decided to make pulled pork! 1.8kg of pork shoulder and passata, Worcester sauce, balsamic vinegar, mustard powder and sugar to boil while searing the pork (it was a bloody big bit of meat to handle ).  It looks ok so far but tomorrow morning well be the tell.

*sings* how do you pull your pork in the morning... 

Come back next time when i try and make something called cloud bread!

Fuck knows!

turkey chilli

turkey chilli with beans

tomato soup

pulled pork sauce

Searin the meat!

pulled pork prepared :)

Tonight I've been experimenting with scones.

Tonight i decided to make some scones, and also that i wanted to be fancy. So i set about the kitchen and got my mixing bowls out (new colourful ones that Andrews sister got me for my birthday- right fancy!) and got mixing!

When i said i wasn't making plain ones, Andrews face fell, so i started with them. Start simple and get more complicated, i thought.

It turns out my lack of imagination stretches further than being shit at choosing Christmas presents.

As soon as I'd mixed my scone mix, i had absolutely no idea what to put in.  I searched my cupboards for ideas and eventually found some chocolate that i bought for making hot chocolate (ho cho, i heard recently).  Game on,  i thought. Chocolate scones!

They worked!

So, feeling a wee bit more confident, i decided to make a savoury mixture (I thought this would be really complicated,  then realised all i had to do was leave out the sugar haha). 

Cheese! Cheese was calling me!

Ooooh and chilli powder!

So cheese and chilli went in next!

Then i got all fancy when i found one of those wee portions of blue cheese you get in pick n mix cheese counters! I decided to make it even more fancy by putting salt and pepper on top! Get me!!!

I'm not entirely sure what happened, but they resemble snails. They rose a bit funny...

The last batch, i decided to split and make half sweet and half savoury, because i am now a scone queen and know how to do that shit!!  Another rake of the cupboards found half a bar of white chocolate, so in it went!

Finally, i chopped up some ham and chucked it into the last lot and mixed up a mustard glaze for the top!

Oh yes! Fucking mustard-glazed ham scones!

Once i take them into work tomorrow and force my Easties to try them I'll see about future experiments...

Today i used a chocolate transfer sheet.

Last week my lovely mother-in-law (more or less, although I'm not actually married) gave me a chocolate transfer sheet! I had no idea what this was so, after a lot of googling discovered that if you put melted chocolate on it, the transfer pattern ends up on the choc! !!! Brilliant!!

I always wondered how fancy shops got the pattern on, and now i know :-)

Anyway, i made a couple of muffins and while they were cooling spooned wee drops of choc on the transfer,and chucked it in the fridge. I was sceptical. I don't trust this kind of wizardry normally.

But it bloody worked!

I cut a wee hole in each of the muffins and shoved a bit of starry chocolate it!

Chuffed!

This week my boss gave me apples.

My lovely boss, Tracy, shouted over the office to ask if anyone wanted any cookers. I got quite excited as this was around the same time as my oven broke, but then i realised she meant apples. She's had quite the crop this year! So i took some and they've been sitting in my kitchen for a wee while now.

I'm sure you'll have seen the thing going round t'internet just now about apple roses. I did and thought "I'm sure i could make those!". So tonight i did :-) Well. Kind of.  I didn't have any jam that the recipe asks for, so i done it without.  Except for one, which i used peanut butter in. Turns out that makes it mingin so i dint really recommend it.

I'd bought puff pastry at aldi at my last shop and its been in the freezer for a few weeks, so i defrosted it overnight so it was ready to use tonight. Turns out its right hard to roll, so i got a bit fed up and ended up halving it which meant less roses. Never mind! I ended up with 4 and, know what- they're actually not too bad looking!!!! A bit burnt round the edges, but ive come to expect that these days!

But what to do with the other apples and pastry. I got Mary Berry out and asked her, and she said-you have some butter and sugar, why not make a tart tatin?

Why not indeed!

So i got slicing some more and boiled my butter and sugar, and got a square tin  (square, not round - get me, I'm a rebel) and assembled. I shoved the edges of the pastry down and popped it in the oven and hoped for the best!

Well, it bloody worked!

I put a plate over the top and closed my eyes as i flipped the whole thing over, and it came out in one piece!!!!! I had a bit syrup spillage, but nothing major! How chuffed am i!!!

I've had a wee corner off out and it tastes fairly good! I've not really got anything to compare it to (i would never order tart tatin for pudding, i don't actually think i know anyone who would-especially if there's chocolate cake or cheesecake on the same menu! ) but it tastes nice for what it is!

I've still got a few apples left so christ knows what will end up happening to them :-)

Today i attempted to make macarons.

It didn't go well.

I decided i would become a macaron master before Christmas so i could give everyone them as presents on the big day. I've made them before, bright green in colour, and noone ate them. I work with nurses, and let me tell you-nothing sweet gets left, ever.  Except those.

So today was round two.  I trawled the internet for the best recipe and ended up on the guardian site, and proceeded to make chocolate macarons.

I weighed everything right, made sure my bowl was spotless and whisked until my peaks were stiff! I folded as per instructions and combined like i was told! I even used a wee scone cutter to make templates to pipe the mix onto my baking parchment.

My oven is still broken, i should add here. My lovely colleague Shona gave me a number for a good electrician but ive not got round to calling him yet (hopefully he can come at night or the weekend! !!). So I'm still left with my top oven which burns things at the back before the front is cooked. FML.

Anyhoo, i let the macarons rest after battering them off the table a few times. I really should have known they wouldn't work after i realised they weren't forming the thin skin they're meant to get. Well, that and the fact i had to use a rose nozzle as i don't seem to have a plain round one. Oops.

But in they went. I opened the door halfway (as per instructions) and used this opportunity to turn the baking trays round. As soon as i opened the door i was hot with a thick smoke that smelled of burnt chocolate. No sae gid!!! But i persevered and shut them in for the last 5 mins.

So now they're out. They're flat. They're burnt. They're cooling but they're shit.

I was going to put caramel in the middle and it was going to be awesome but fuck wasting the good shit on them! Instead ill probably have a few wines and demolish them when I'm a bit tipsy.

And wake up tomorrow shitting off the face of the earth.  Time will tell!

See you soon.

Ps, i don't know why the pictures are upside down, but at least if it's arty it makes it look less faily!!!

This week I've already made lots of cake.

Well. This week i planned to make 2 cakes. One for my best pal's daughter who will be 4 tomorrow (which i can't quite believe as i remember her being born yesterday ) and a boat cake for the consultant i work with who's leaving for a new job this week.

But of course my oven broke, didn't it!?!

Thankfully the cooker i have has a top oven, which I've never baked in before and isn't fan like the normal oven, so i still got cracking. Albeit with a different plan.

Miren had quite specific requests that it had to be pink. That's fine. I had loads of pink- fuscia and rose, and red colouring i could add to white icing. But she also wanted roses. Now. Roses are bloody hard to make from fondant. I didn't know this until recently! However, after a couple of attempts- and lots of pintresting and youtubing- i think i got away with it.

My plan was to make a lovely 3-tiered pink creation with ribbons and hearts and polka dots and pinkness. That went out the window pretty swiftly! 

I ended up making a wee heart cake with some questionable roses, then shitloads of pink cupcakes with pink icing and pink piped roses. Game on.  I delivered them tonight, so that's at least done.

But then the boat. I planned a tiered sail boat, with royal icing blue sea and loads of movement, and even bought edible rice paper for the sails!!! AND I made a wee consultant sailor out of fondant, who would be sitting proudly hanging onto the rigging.

But no.

What I've ended up with is an effort of a cake that looks like a 4 year old made it!

On the plus side, i still used my edible paper on the sails. You can't tell, of course, because that kind of went tits up too and i ended up having to make blue sails when i ran out of white fondant! So the sails are ricepaper-covered blue things.

Fuck it. It tastes nice!

Isn't it funny how you can start disliking a hobby...

Til next time!!!

Tonight i used Frances Quinns new book!

The other day i saw Quinntessential Baking on sale on amazon for £12 so i thought, that'll do me thank you! It came yesterday but i never got a chance to look at it til tonight. It's bloody brilliant!!

She shows you how to make owls out of brownie!!!

However, tonight i opted to use some golden syrup i bought and never got round up opening, and made her salted caramel sauce and honeycomb.

If you've read previous posts, you'll know my last attempt of honeycomb was a bloody disaster. I nearly had to throw out a le creuset dish (it was a gift, i could never bring myself to spend near £100 on a baking dish! ) and almost burnt everyone.

So i was anxious.

But! I persevered and followed the instructions and... It only went and bloody worked! How chuffed was I!?!?  Especially as I'm not quite sure what colour 'golden amber ' is meant to be (that was the colour the syrup and sugar mix had to be before i added the cream to the sauce and the bicarb to the honeycomb).

But it worked!!!

But i didn't stop there, oh no no no!! Andrew had a pal round to watch the nfl so i thought fuck it ill make some cakes! And fill them with sauce and honeycomb!
Amazing!!!

To be fair, the only reason i done this tonight was because I've left my dot to dot books at work and i had to do something else instead!

So there you go! See you later :-)

Yesterday i made a birthday cake... machine gun!

A few weeks ago i made a giant fondant fancy and it went down a storm. I was right proud. Then one of the secretaries at my work asked if I'd make her son a birthday cake for his 9th birthday.  Bring it on, i said. I told her to find out what he wanted and get back to me.

I didn't expect him to request a fucking machine gun!

But!!! Being the ambitious idiot that i am, i said yep! No probs Yvonne! I'm on it!

Then i Googled machine gun. Fucking hell! My initial thoughts of making some sort of weapon he could pick up and pretend to shoot folk with went right out the window. (How cool would that be though).  But it could obviously be done - albeit by professional bakers - so i was on it like a car bonnet.

First i tried to copy a pic from Google,  then took measurements and timesed it by 10. This had to feed at least 20 folk! I ended up with a template that i could cut the cake from. It worked :-)

So,  on monday night i got going. I found a recipe for a 11" x 11" cake online - 320g of flour, sugar and butter then 5 eggs and a teaspoon of baking powder in case you were wondering- and used my mum's old baking tin. And made 2. That's a lot of eggs! My wee food bin got emptied twice last night!

While they were cooling i got down with the butter icing. Yvonnes son wanted jam and cream in the middle so he got what was left of my rasp jam (tesco finest dontcha know) and the cream. Then it was time to carve.

Well. I've never been so nervous in my life! I've never made a carved cake before, let alone one that uses 8lb of cake and is for a 9 year old boy!

I started with the shoulder bit and that went ok. And i got some confidence.

(I should tell you at this point that the cake tray was in fact a cut out cardboard box that Yvonne and i stole from work (thankfully we don't work on the general wards as it would have been a urinary incontinence pad box and i might have had to paint it to save 9- year old embarrassment! !!). I covered it in cling film and tin foil and put it on the floor, as it didn't fit anywhere else!!)

So i carved. And i jammed. And iced. And constructed. And it looked fucking awesome! Then i iced more over the top of it all and got cracking on my fondant icing.

I'd found black icing online so bought some, which was fine. But i still had to make a different colour that i realised the gun was comprised of. I wanted to go for brown but ended up with a strange human flesh colour by mixing yellow,pink and green! I'm not sure what i thought I'd get but it was a nice wee surprise!

Rolling fondant is hard when 1) you don't have many surfaces, 2) you don't have much icing sugar to flour the workspace you DO have and 3) you really haven't a fucking clue what you're doing!  But i got there!

And it was awesome!

I decorated the cake with wee silver edible balls to look like screws and finally made a wee black fondant Craig. As that was his name. I wanted to do the whole "happy birthday" text,  but by that time id been at it for 5 hours and was bloody knackered!

So today i took it to work (so Yvonne could take it home for his birthday tomorrow) and got a tremendous reception.

I don't think I've been so proud of anything for a long time!!!

So now I've agreed to make a boat for our consultant psychiatrist who's leaving soon, and a birthday cake- as yet unspecified - for one of our psychologists!!

Bring it on :-)

Today i made a big fondant fancy.

On Sunday it was my pal Amy's birthday and last week at work i said I'd make her a cake for work this week. I wanted to try and make a big fondant fancy so she requested a pink one.

Challenge accepted :-)

I figured out i was going to use my mum's old massive tin, and initially was going to make a few cakes and layer them. However. I soon realised that was going to take hours so decided just to make one big cake and cut it and layer the bits.
So in with the pink food colouring (slightly too much, i know no limits!!!) And cake was made.

Except it wasn't. Because my lovely boyfriend, who was making his tea at the same time,  switched the oven off when he was finished frying his damn sausages.

Livid.

I didn't notice until i went to check the cake and by then the oven was bloody cold.

The house was not a pleasant place to be tonight.

But he went out, and i shoved the oven back on. Angrily. But 30 mins later it was ready.

Good job or i would have had the police called on me!!!!

Anyway. While the cake was cooking i made some pink butter icing and chucked some in a bowl wrapped in cling film for the wee bump at the top of the fancy. I popped it in the fridge and waited for everything to get cold!

So. The layering. I cut the cake into 4 (i used a tape measure and everything) and made 3 tiers with the icing and then tried to ice the sides to make the other icing stick.

Ooh i forgot to say about the other icing! I got a block of white fondant from the coop and put even more pink colouring in. I kneaded it until the colour was even and rolled it out-with great difficulty i may add- and left it til i was ready.

Soooo, the cake was layered, icing was on and the wee bump was in the top.

Fondant icing is not simple to use.

After a lot of patting and patching the cake was covered :-) finally, i had some iof that writing chocolate that i wanted to use to make the stripy bits on top.

This didn't really go to plan either, if I'm honest.

I had to melt the stuff under hot water, which i did. Then had to cut the nib off, which i did. Then i tried to use it, which i didn't. I dont know how it's meant to work, so there was blobs of chocolate all over the shop.

Eventually it sort of worked, and i had stripes of a sort!

And then it was finished :-) i sent Am a 2 second snapchat of the cake to give her a glimpse but she's not replied yet so i have no idea what she thinks! ! I'll find out tomorrow when we get tasting it!

That's all for now!

(I've handily included a packet of chewing gum fir size reference lol. I couldn't find anything else!!!)